Are You Pushing People Away Without Realizing It?

We all say we want honest relationships.

We want real connection.

Safe spaces where people can speak from the heart and be fully seen.

But here's the thing most of us don’t realize:

Sometimes we ask for truth… but punish people when they actually give it.

Not with yelling.Not with silence.But with defensiveness.

And slowly, gently, without meaning to—we start pushing people away.

The Moment It Happens

Let’s say someone you care about comes to you with something small but important.

Their voice is calm. Their intention is sincere. They say something like:

“Hey, I just wanted to share… I felt a little hurt when that happened.”

They’re not trying to blame you. They’re trying to connect.

But instead of receiving it, your body tenses.Your chest tightens.

And before you even think, you say:

“That’s not what I meant.”“Well, you’re being too sensitive.”“I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Sound familiar?

It's not just what you said—it’s how you said it.

The energy behind your words didn’t say I care about what you’re feeling.

It said I care more about being right.

And in that moment, the other person walks away—not just from the conversation, but maybe even a little bit from you.

Defensiveness Feels Like a Wall

To the person who was brave enough to speak, your defensiveness doesn’t feel like self-protection.

It feels like rejection.

It feels like, “I can’t be honest with this person without paying a price.”

So they start to shrink.

They stop bringing things up.

They second-guess their needs.

And eventually, the relationship becomes… quiet.

Not peaceful—just emotionally distant.

What Reiki Taught Me About This

As a Reiki practitioner, I’ve learned the value of presence—of being able to hold space without judgment, without fixing, and without needing to defend myself.

When we give Reiki, we don’t tell the energy what to do.

We don’t rush in with our opinions or solutions.

We listen—to the energy, to the body, to the silence.

That same principle applies to communication.

When someone brings us their truth, can we soften instead of tighten?

Can we breathe instead of brace?

Can we receive what they’re saying as a gift, even if it’s uncomfortable?

Because that’s what it is: a gift.Their honesty is a sign they still care enough to try.

But I Know—It’s Hard

I’ve been defensive too.

I’ve said things in the heat of the moment that shut people down.

Sometimes I catch myself mid-sentence. Other times it takes a long moment of silence and reflection to realize…"I wasn’t really listening. I was just trying not to feel blamed."

Defensiveness is often a wound response.

It’s the little child in us who doesn’t want to feel bad, wrong, or unlovable.And that part of us deserves compassion.But it can’t be the part steering our relationships.

How to Shift From Defensive to Receptive

If this feels familiar to you, here are a few gentle steps:

🌿 Pause when you feel triggered.

Notice the tightness in your chest, your jaw, your shoulders.

Don’t speak yet. Just breathe.

🌿 Place your hand on your heart.

Literally. Bring Reiki there.

Ask yourself: What am I trying to protect right now?

🌿 Acknowledge the courage in front of you.

Even if you don’t agree with what they’re saying, thank them for sharing.

You can say, “Thank you for telling me. I need a moment to take that in.”

🌿 Return with openness, not defense.

You’re not always going to get it perfect. But even a softening in your tone or a moment of sincere listening can change everything.

You're Not A Bad Person

You’re not a bad person if you’ve been defensive.

You’re not broken.

You’re human.

But if you’re noticing more distance in your relationships…If people seem hesitant to tell you how they really feel…If you’ve heard, “I don’t feel heard by you” more than once…

Maybe it’s time to ask yourself:

Am I pushing people away without realizing it?

And if the answer is yes—don’t worry.

You can shift. You can soften. You can hold space the way Reiki holds you:with presence, with love, and without needing to be right.

✨ Because connection is more important than ego.✨

Because safety doesn’t come from defending—it comes from listening.

You’ve got this. I’m learning it too.

Are you pushing people away?